Ol' Jess

I remember arriving at River's Edge
the day filled with blistering heat.
I'd decided I needed some time away,
to help ease the pain of deceit.

A few days alone in the woods would do fine,
I could gather my thoughts undisturbed.
Fishing in the morn', swimming in the day,
and my pain and anger could be curbed.

My mind starts to drift, as it tends to do now,
to the day of my worst case scenario.
The love of my life, the woman of my dreams,
lost, because the right head didn't say no.

One of the cabins comes into view up ahead,
I look to the door for its number.
I pull into the dirt driveway and park,
for now all I need is deep slumber.

As I put the key to the old door and sigh,
again my mind meanders back,
to the first time we had been here together.
I shake it off - get back on track!

I smell the musty odors as I enter the cabin,
familiar, not unpleasant, quite expected.
I close the door and drop my backpack to the mat.
Home for now, to an otherworld protected.

I look around the whimsical little room,
bedecked, no doubt, by the gentler gender.
I grin and remember her first reaction;
"Can you believe it? I'll have a blender!"

I thought of how disappointed she'd be
that we'd have nothing to put in it.
But it's presence made her happy at least,
she'd come to love it all bit by bit.

I walked out the back for a view of the lake,
the day's baking sun was starting to set.
I see an old man down at the river bank.
I wondered what he was here to forget.

I called out to him, "Want some company?"
With a wave of his hand he gave me permission.
I sat down beside him and grunted.
"Alright son, just spill it," he said in recognition.

I turned to him ready to make a snide comeback,
but hesitated when I saw his face.
He had his own worries to handle it seemed.
I'd keep the convo light, just in case.

"Ah, it's nothing really, just love trouble is all."
"Those two words don't go together, son"
He raised up his cap with a push of a thumb.
"Trouble only comes when love is done."

I pondered this for a second and then said,
"But I still have love, I mean, at least I think so."
"Then you ain't thinkin' period," he laughed,
and leaned back as if he had wisdom to bestow.

"Lemme tell you a story, then we'll talk." he uttered.
He took off his cap and scratched his head.
"Some people go all their lives never knowin' love.
Or they take it for granted instead."

"Love's like breathin' in a way, you know.
We do it all the time without thinkin'.
We draw it in, then we let it out.
It's just somethin' that's always a happenin' "

"But breathin' can be special if'n you want it to.
Steppin' outside on a cold winter mornin'
takin' that cold air into your lungs all asudden.
Almos' knocks ya down without no warnin' "

He rubs his hand across his stubbled chin.
"Yeah, it's like that sometimes."
I can see his thoughts start to wander off.
"Yeah, it's like that. Sometimes."

I clear my throat to bring him back to our world.
"I had a dog once." he started."Friendly cuss.
Loved to follow me aroun' all the time.
Good hunter too, that was a definite plus."

"What happened to him?" I asked to move him on.
"Huh? Oh, the dog? He got old, we all do.
Died off in the woods somewhere I reckon."
He reached into his pocket to grab some chew.

"Love doesn't hurt, son. Love is a gift.
It's somethin' you give or you get,
you can't take it away from somebody.
Is that somethin' you can admit?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "Yeah, I see that."
He grinned and laughed like he'd scored a strike.
"Love is the flower you've got to let grow. "
"John Lennon? You quoted Lennon?" ...second strike.

He slowly stood and dusted off his pants.
"You know, I was married for a long time.
Goin' on 53 year when she passed on.
She was a looker for sure in her prime."

"Still had the face of an angel when she got old."
He arched his back and I heard a pop.
"Beautiful. Now that woman grew love, son.
Met her sittin' at the school bus stop."

He grabbed a tree and lowered himself back down.
"I hurt my girl many atime son. Not to boast!
Cared nothin' for any of 'em, they none for me.
Nah, nary a one of them even come close."

"My girl, she told me," he said with a sigh,
"that she loved me most at those times.
Said it was when I needed it most of all.
I think on them words hard sometimes."

He looked behind him and moved a few twigs,
then laid down and covered his face with his cap.
"She left me once. Couldn't take no more hurtin'.
Told me she'd put up with enough of my crap."

He drew a deep breath and rose to an elbow.
"She come back. Told me she'd forgive me.
Said somethin' about love fallin' on thorns?
I's just glad she was back at home, see."

I could tell the old man was getting tired.
Gimme advice old dog, I'm just a pup.
"Why would you cheat on her if you loved her?"
He jumped like someone had lit him up.

"Son, ain't you heard a word I said?"
He sat up and looked me dead in the eye.
"I didn't cheat her boy, I cheated myself!
Of her love, not mine. And you know why?"

I put my hand out to help him rise.
"Cause you can't love without giving, son.
And my girl gave all she had you betcha!
Flower? Hell my girl was every flower under the sun!"

It was getting dark, I could tell it was time to go.
"I made a mistake. I didn't give. I took."
He straightens his hat and starts to walk away,
then turns and gives me an understanding look.

"Do you think you could give love, son?
Or do you think she's a dying flower?
Don't sandbag yourself out of life."
He looks to the sky to test the hour.

"I feel the love of my girl at every sunset.
I go to sleep with it in my heart.
I breathe it in on cold winter mornin's."
He raises his hand as he departs.

I stood and watched him hobble away,
then headed back in for the night.
The phone was ringing as I entered,
"Let it be her!" I yelled in flight.

"Hello? Baby, is that you?" I cried
"I have so many things I need to say!"
I hear her breathing, then a soft sigh,
"I watered the flowers today."