Bored and thinking about...

I was watching TV earlier, some random Lifetime movie, and a young woman in the story had one arm. It was tough for her. Being mocked, always being asked what happened, worried about boys and dating...
She ended up handling it well. The new boyfriend, going back to a normal life, blah blah, typical Lifetime - feel good, flick.

I have always believed that our experiences in life are what build us; our personalities, beliefs, lifestyle, the way we treat others, ...you get the idea.
Sometimes you meet someone and you immediately question "What happened to them to make them feel this way? What flaw do they have that makes them so reserved, defensive, insecure, angry,...?"
And the flaw may not always be from experience, it can also be a physical one. Either hidden or outwardly visible. That's the flaw I was thinking of today.

Now, I am not saying that all people who share the same physical flaw exhibit the same persona, they may have had experiences in their lives that helped them overcome their perceived stigma. Or, on the other hand, their experiences may have been such that they were unable to overcome the self-hatred society helped create. Or, it may all be subconscious! Too many questions; thus my need to do some research.

To help explain where I am going with this, lets use breast size for women and height for men.

We've all seen, or heard of, young girl(s) who had to go through school being teased because her breasts were large. She was disliked by other girls, sometimes because she got the attention of the boys, sometimes out of jealousy (although the two could be related). The boys considered her loose and easy. Even teachers appeared to treat her differently than other students. 

If you think back to this girl(s), one of 2 things will, typically, come to mind:
A: she was quiet, wore baggy clothes, had fewer friends than her peers, and wasn't involved in many social activities. 
Or 
B: she was loud and unrestrained, sometimes flaunted her breasts via her attire, and rollicked in the attention she gained.

One has to wonder, what else was she experiencing that caused her to react in that way? Why would one girl become inhibited and the other so boundless?

Then we have the short man. We've all heard of short man syndrome, or Napolean complex. That 5'2" guy who wants to wrestle alligators and picks fights for fun. 

Okay, so we get it when it comes to the short fella. He's overcompensating for his perceived handicap. "I may be short, but I have it all!" Kinda like a chihuahua who snarls and barks at a German shepherd - no disrespect intended. 

But, there are plenty of short men who are quiet, polite, reserved in their social arenas. Again, why such a glaring difference?

Does it all boil down to self-esteem? Lack of self-esteem most often is displayed by character traits such as being reticent or overcompensation. Is that lack of self-worth subconscious? Does that young girl refuse to make eye contact because of the way she has been treated? Or is that short guy who wants to pick fights unaware of why he wants to fight?

Is it an inferiority complex? Or simply a reaction to what society has shown us? Billions of dollars have been spent studying human behavior. A portion of that has been spent in trying to determine if some of these behaviors are genetic. If your mother was a shy, quiet person, you will be, too. If Dad had a bad temper, you'll have a short fuse. I'm no psychologist, but I tend to lean towards - "Dad was a mean man and I picked up his bad habits", rather than, "I share mom's DNA so I don't socialize much."

After reading quite a few articles on anti-social behavior, inferiority complex, covert self-esteem, self-complexity, narcissism and more, I have come to believe (and I still do not consider myself a psychologist, just a bit more knowledgeable than before) that our perception of who we are, is based on our experiences. From the time we are old enough to understand how society judges people, we start to form an idea of what is considered acceptable and the standard. As we learn more, we become aware of where we 'measure up' on that social ruler. If we feel we fall below that accepted social measure, we are (more than likely) going to overcompensate to distract people from our flaw. Or, withdraw, in hopes that the flaw may go unobserved.

Wait! But, then, we have those who embrace and celebrate their flaws. Is this just in hopes that someone may validate their bluff? Can they so easily dismiss society's discrimination? Where does this come from?

Enough of that...

Now, I want to research what it would be like to be a hypersensitive covert narcissist!